Being a woman is not that easy 4 July 2009

It was exactly 3 Fridays ago when our hopes and dreams for a new member in both families was troubled. After we heard no fetal heartbeat and a 4-week difference in gestational age last June 4, I religiously followed my OB’s advice for medications and complete bed rest pior to another scan after 2 weeks. See my previous post here.

Since Val left for Cebu on the 7th, I was then restricted in the 4 corners of my parents’ room with the TV as my constant companion during daytime. Their room is nearest the bathroom and I would transfer to my room before bedtime. My brother would bring my meals upstairs, wash my dishes and refill my 2L water bottle. Hmm… I used to consume almost 2 and a half bottles of water.

Bed rest sounds like a relief to most of us getting that relaxation we need from our everyday busy schedules. Hearing the two words bed and rest, we think of sleep, rest and more rest and sleep. Believe me… Staying in bed 24 hours a day can be oh-so-boring! Yet I had to deal with it for the baby’s sake.

Independence

Aside from my constant very light brown spotting similar to the color of caramel (sorry… that’s that most I can define), everything went smoothly until the 12th of June. It was after dinner when I felt some pain below my abdomen and I went to pee. My heart pounded everytime I pee. I was afraid seeing blood in my undies. That night, my fear aggravated. I was seeing something light red! Brownish spotting means old blood. But red? This is what I dreaded the most.

I gathered myself and hurried to lie on the bed hoping to ease the pain. Unfortunately, it was still aching and my mom suggested to inform my OB about it. I texted May and she persuaded me to use urinal instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. She asked if there were white tissues when I peed. None. My fear worsened when she called up to bring me to the hospital as per my OB’s advice. It was a little past 10 pm when I glanced at our wall clock.

My voice was quivering when I told my mom that I would be going to the hospital. I was ready to sob uncontrollably but I still thought of my baby’s welfare. And I don’t want to concern my parents either. I calmly changed my clothes and grabbed whatever extra clothes, underwears and towels I could bring with me. I’m fond of packing up the necessary things I need but that night, I couldn’t think straight.

ER

My mom carried my things for me when my parents-in-law fetched us and brought us straight to the emergency room. I was greeted by May and I was carried on wheelchair to the OB room while Mama and Mommy stayed outside the ER. The nurses asked tons and tons of questions. I was even refrained from getting up to pee so they let me use a bedpan instead. It took me more than a couple of minutes to urinate ‘coz I’m not used to it.

A female doctor on duty did an IE (internal exam?) on me and informed us that the cervix was still closed but I’m still bleeding. She was also surprised to know that I should be 12 weeks based on my last menstrual period. She further explained that it could be a missed abortion or delayed miscarriage. It means the embryo died, retained in my uterus and signs of miscarriage came later. She suggested an ultrasound the next morning if a fetal heartbeat is present or not. For the mean time, she had my CBC (complete blood count) taken and had me continue my medications (Isoxilan and Duphaston) the next morning after breakfast. She further instructed me to keep my sanitary napkin after I changed it. They should check the amount of blood loss. I was so naive I didn’t wear one nor brought sanitary napkins. I was given a maternity napkin later but, of course, charged to my room.

I was silent the whole time. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want to be weak. I tried to blurt out if I could still save my baby but hesitated on it for I might burst into tears. I searched for a light of hope in the doctor’s eyes… to tell me that everything would turn out fine. Two nurses were wearing clinical mask and I wondered if they, too, could assure me that the baby’s ok.

May attended to the preparations of my room – filling-up and signing tons and tons of forms. I didn’t know how long I lied in the OB room. 10 minutes… 15… 30? It felt forever! All the while, I prayed and prayed. I couldn’t help feeling devasted and I kept brushing away the tears. I still refused to be weak as long as I still have my baby inside me.

Everyone seemed busy. A male PGI kept visiting me making sure that I was still ok. A female nurse entered to inject dextrose. I almost asked if I could just drink the whole bag instead of taking it intravenously. She failed to find the vein in my left hand so she injected it in my right hand. Lucky for me, she got it after the first try. Another nurse came in bringing another needle. Yeah… for my CBC. I hate those needles! After a few minutes, another one came in. I asked if it was another needle. She smiled and said she would only place my name band. Whew!

274

May later came in to check on me while waiting for the final step before I could be confined. After a little while, the door opened and a male staff pushed a stretcher. I transferred unto the stretcher and I was wheeled away to room 274 – my impermanent refuge.

Another female nurse came in to check my BP. She told me she would be back to measure it again because it had reached 140/100. Huh? It was past 12 midnight in my cellphone clock. May and Mommy went home to rest. May was on an afternoon shift and she was about to call it a day when my bad news came. I texted Val about what happened. I got no reply from him. I was thinking not to bother him anymore. He could be sleeping for it was his rest day. My mom was tired, too, so I requested her to insert the bedpan behind me and to clean it up before going to sleep. The nurse came back and my BP was back to normal – 120/70. She asked if I had blood when I urinated. My mom described what she saw – bright red blood and a very small blood clot.

Sleepless night

I literally couldn’t sleep. I kept praying while controlling the tears. Why? Why? Why? I glanced at my cellphone clock – past 2 am. All efforts of lulling me to sleep failed. I felt that dreadful ache again. It was like having my regular menstrual period. That so-called dysmenorrhea. I didn’t know if I snoozed off. I could only remember the cramping and the time I saw in my cellphone clock – 2:45, 3:15… I was wide awake at past 4 am until my mom budged and checked on me. I told her I wanted to pee. She almost scolded me for holding it and not waking her up. There were more blood and a few blood clots. Her face was tired and worried. But my heart pounded louder.

That’s it!

My mom left just a quarter to 6. May arrived past 6 am. She came with Kat who was on duty that morning. I had my breakfast and took my medications. I was shy to let May assist me with the bedpan but I’d rather let her than other nurses especially male nurses. I felt something slide out while peeing. I assumed it was some blood clots. May took a closer look and assuredly spoke, “Ara na, na-gwa na sya.” (“It came out.”) I returned a confused look and she reconfirmed her earlier statement then added to cancel the ultrasound.

I was stunned. When I found my voice, I had her describe what slid out – the embryo and the placenta. Yes… I had her bring to me the bedpan where the embryo and its placenta was. I saw what was supposed to be my baby.

Since it was the station where she works, she called up to inform them what happened. The doctor came in to look at the embryo and to perform another IE if a d and c (dilatation and curettage) – another pregnancy terms I learned – is necessary. This is performed to completely remove any residue in the uterus after a miscarriage happened so as not to cause any infection to the mother. She found the baby sac broken and fixed up a complete curettage right away.

Val called up and I filled him in with what had happened. I was worried for him since he was all alone in Cebu. I acted strong as we spoke. May already called him when she went home the night before and he didn’t bother me after hearing the news. He had called Paul and Mike to inform about his resignation but Paul talked him out of it and promised to process for his lateral transfer as soon as possible.

As my curettage procedure neared, Kat dropped by my room in time to help May change my clothes into the hospital robe. I wore nothing – no underwear, rings, retainers – except for that hospital robe. My mom came back to bring diapers and sanitary napkins ‘coz I continued to bleed – felt like water running from the faucet. Che-che and Joan, Val’s cousins, also arrived to bring adult diapers to be used after my operation. (FYI: I only used 1 diaper after the procedure.)

OR

All of them, except Kat, went along towards the operating room. As always, I was still carried through a stretcher. A female OR staff nurse took the turn to transport me since non-OR staff are prohibited inside the OR. My OB greeted me along the hallway and consoled me for my loss. She explained that it was a genetic abnormality when the embryo was formed and had a very short time to live. She made sure I did my best that no intention of abortion was done. That made me smile. I softly asked her if I’m still viable for another pregnancy to which she answered yes with much certainty, “Kabata pa gani sa imo…” (“You’re still young…”).

As I was pushed further, there were several rooms we passed by until she paused in front of the major operating room. Whoa! I thought this would only be a minor operation. There were 2 male staff – the PGI from the night before and a nurse, I guess – who helped her move the stretcher inside.

The major OR looks so clean and bright and serene. There were huge circular lights overhead a t-form surgical table. It was for real. I thought I could only see that scene on TV like Grey’s Anatomy or Dr. House. The table faces a tinted sliding glass window overlooking a picturesque view of huge trees and the clear blue horizon. The view really calms down a patient who undergoes a major operation. I was slowly transferred to the surgical table and allowed them to place safety straps on my stretched arms. Then they placed 2 monitoring equipments – for my BP on my left upper arm and for my pulse clipped on my right forefinger.

When the Anesthesiologist arrived, the male nurse with the help of the male PGI positioned me on my side to the left to cleanse my lower back. I silently begged for the 2 male staff to leave the room before my procedure. They never left. Oh well… I’m not their first patient anyway.

As soon as the anesthesia was injected twice in my lower spine (ugh!), everyone wasted no time to lay me back to my lying position, raised both legs as high as they reached the leg holder and I was bared to the other 6 persons – 4 females and 2 males – inside the room. Waaa!!!

My robe and a green cloth covered my upper legs. The Anesthesiologist told me to sleep if I feel sleepy. I was aware of my OB scraping my inside all throughout. It was something in between a slight pain an a tingling sensation. I closed my eyes for a few seconds but I didn’t feel sleepy. I stared through the glass window and prayed and prayed. Prayer was the only comfort I could get while they chatted like we were having a short break in school waiting for the next bell to ring.

Recovering

The procedure was quick and I didn’t feel any pain after. My OB was surprised that I could move my legs. The reason… only 80 (g or mg?) of anesthesia was injected. They grabbed each side of the cloth I was lying on to carry me over (for the 6th time since ER) the stretcher towards the recovery room. I could only hear the beeping sounds of the monitoring equipment in this room. I didn’t know how long I slept here. The wall clock showed 12 nn when I woke up. They were still monitoring my BP and pulse. After 30 minutes, the female staff briefed me on what to do after I will be transferred back to my room; I should lie straight until 4 pm for the anesthesia to totally dissipate and food intake should be taken gradually to avoid vomitting. My dextrose was the last bag after that.

I was transferred for the nth time to my room by 1 pm. Che-che relayed that Mommy came but I was already in the OR. Papa (Val’s father) called the OR to check my condition and was told that I was already in the recovery room. Their concern brought fear to me. I didn’t know until then that being in the OR injected with anesthesia in the spine is something to worry about. Yeah… some patients died when anesthesia is not injected properly in the spine.

My ordeal ended that day. The dextrose was consumed and the #20 needle was removed leaving me a puffy hand. I was given antibiotics, pain reliever and more medications. I was able to walk alone to the bathroom that night and took a bath the next day with minimal bleeding. Before I was discharged that Sunday, my OB visited me and instructed me to rest for 5 days more and complete my medications then have a follow-up checkup a week after.

Conclusion

I made this post to all women, to share my own experience. As I have said before, each pregnancy is unique. We were given the gift to carry a life and we should give importance to value that life. After this experience, I understand why women doesn’t want to get pregnant. On the other hand, some women suffer more than one miscarriage yet still gave birth to a healthy baby.

This post is also meant to all men. A successful birth brings great joy and a loss can be devastating. Whatever happens, be there for your wife or partner. Being a woman is not easy as you can see.

I am blessed to have my friends and families. Their love and support made me forget the pain most of the times. I was advised to rest for 3 to 6 months prior to another pregnancy. Hopefully, I’ll have a healthy pregnancy by then.

Lord, please grant me the patience. Now na!