Dear Li’l MJ 15 June 2009

Dear Li’l MJ,

When you gave me signs that you were conceived, we were all ecstatic! Your Father wanted to let the whole world know how happy he is. He wants you to call me Mommy and him Papa.

I can’t see what’s happening inside your tiny home. All I know is to provide you the nourishments you need, watch my actions and religiously follow the doctor’s advice in taking my vitamins. I’m not a fan of milk but I always think of your well-being so I obediently take 2 glasses a day. I frequently read articles on what to expect while you’re inside my tummy. I refrain from drinking softdrinks and eating junk foods, walk away from people who smoke, cut off my travel escapades, cease from using colognes and perfumes, and avoid anything that may harm you. Bulges on any part of my body seems pleasingly pretty!

Though you’re still a few weeks old, you have given us so much hopes and happiness. You’ve touched a lot of hearts. Several friends of mine wanted to be your godmother. If I’ll count them, including your Father’s friends, you’ll have the most number of godparents!

My friends were already guessing if you’re a boy or a girl. Your Uncle Biboy wants you to be a he so that you will have his height… and his good looks – to which I jokingly object. He even wants to delay your due date so that both of you will have the same birthday day in January. Your godmother Darlene wants you to be a she so that they’ll dress you like a cute doll. For me and your Father, we don’t care whether you’re a he or a she. Having you is already a gift.

If you felt a slight pat on your tiny home, it was me caressing you, telling you that I’m always here for you. Your Father also touched my tummy to let you know how much he loves you.

I quit searching for baby names when we couldn’t hear your tiny heart beating. I thought maybe it was your way of telling me, “Not now, Mom.”

I didn’t know that you only lived for 7 weeks and 1 day until that first ultrasound. You never showed your weaknesses while inside me. You stayed for almost 5 more weeks yet you are still whole and odorless – a sign of your struggle to live. I admire you for being strong and I’m so proud of you. You showed me you didn’t give up as we fought this battle together. You let me know the true meaning of hope and love.

Wherever you are, be safe in God’s hands. I know he will take very good care of you. I’m sorry if I did anything that could’ve hurt you from the day you were created.

Be your future brothers and sisters’ little guardian angel. Your story will live in our memories and in our hearts. When the time comes that they’ll learn how to read, they’ll read this letter and know about your story, too.

Don’t forget, we love you very much. Be a good child up there.

Thank you for everything, my dear li’l MJ!

With much love,

Mommy

 

P.S. Your name MJ comes from May and June. You fought until the month of May yet stayed with me until June. You have the same initials with your Aunt May Joy who helped me take care of you from the start.

P.P.S. Please thank God for me and tell Him to give us twins next time, will ya?