For the baby 7 June 2009

June 4. The day we’re all waiting for. I was 11 weeks pregnant based on my LMP – last menstrual period. My husband even came home to listen to the fetal heartbeat in my womb. I had a transvaginal ultrasound since the fetus is less than 3 months old. It was so awkward to have a device inserted through me that I could have backed out yet my excitement overcame me.

The doctor was so serious while performing the u/s though she didn’t mind having Val and his sister inside the room. The whole room was so quiet while I changed my clothes and the doctor started the ultrasound. She confirmed my LMP twice and I began to doubt if she saw something wrong. After some clicks on the machine, she then told me that she would remove the device and forward the reading to my OB. I met Val’s and May’s eyes. Are we done? That’s it… No more further explanations. I got up to change and from my peripheral vision, I saw a black lump with circular top on the monitor. Was that my baby?

We proceeded to my OB and had my weight, body temperature, BP and heart rate recorded. While waiting for the u/s result, my OB asked if we found something blinking on the screen as the fetal heart beats. The three of us looked confused. I heard nothing nor saw anything ‘coz the monitor was facing away from me. The doctor never uttered any words except whe she asked for my age, my physician and my LMP. Val and May didn’t even see or hear any heartbeat – just the same black blob with the circular top I saw after.

My OB kindly led me to another room to check out the heartbeat but she earlier tried not to keep my hopes up if we could hear it for it was still very young. She used a different device over my lower abdomen to locate the heartbeat. It was a cool thing and I wonder if I could buy it somewhere so that I could listen to the precious heartbeat anytime I want.

After 5 minutes or so, no heartbeat was heard. I started to get nervous. She received the u/s result as soon as she left the small room.

The u/s showed that I am 7 weeks pregnant. No heartbeat. And I have internal bleeding which explains why I have an on/off brown spotting for some time. It was inside my uterus yet the u/s couldn’t clearly tell its source. My OB continued to explain that if the bleeding won’t stop, miscarriage may occur. Additionally, 5 weeks should show a fetal heartbeat but in my case, either way… none.

I felt a tear welled up in my eyes. I tried to control it, to look normal. I didn’t want my weakness to take over me. My doubts came back. Aside from a missed period, I don’t have morning sickness or strange cravings or feel nauseated which mean I could have lost my pregnancy symptoms. I continued very hard to listen to what my OB continued to say. “It’s still no bad news.” Only that statement gave me a little relief.

She prescribed Duphaston and Isoxilan, adviced a complete bedrest and another u/s after 2 weeks. Complete bedrest means no going up and down the stairs, staying on bed ALL THE TIME only to get up to take a bath, to pee or to poo poo. Yes… I’ll have breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed. Uh-oh… I hate it but I have to sacrifice… for the good of my baby.

All of a sudden, I found myself being delicately taken care of. I’m used to being independent and this situation seemed a little bit awkward.

They said u/s is more accurate than LMP. But the 4 weeks difference? My OB said that was too much. Could it be my baby started to grow a few weeks later it was conceived? Or had it stopped growing since it was 7 weeks? I hope not!

Pregnancy is unique for each woman and each pregnancy may vary for the same woman. Some bled heavily yet still delivered a healthy baby. Some fetal heartbeat weren’t detected until 9 weeks. Some heard a fetal heartbeat in 6 weeks but lost it after a few weeks and eventually miscarried. One lucky mom never got sick at all while pregnant with twins, on the contrary, she had all the pregnancy symptoms while carrying a single daughter. A mother in 6 weeks pregnancy saw only a sac, with no baby and no heartbeat, during her 1st ultrasound. She still encountered morning sickness, nausea and still felt pregnant. On her next u/s, they found out that the fetus just played “hide-and-seek!”

Bleeding is normal during the 1st trimester and I barely reach 2 months if based on my u/s. I want to assure myself that I’m not bleeding – just spotting – and they are two different things. And I am spotting very lightly. We’re just avoiding a bright red bleeding.

I wish I am one of the lucky women to deliver a healthy baby in full term. I always pray for a healthy baby as I touch my tummy. And I also started talking to my tummy! I don’t care if I’ll have morning sickness or I feel nauseated. I will endure it if its the best sign of having a healthy pregnancy… just for the baby.